I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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