I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
