he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
