you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
