Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
