I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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