if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
