I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
