I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
