my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
