i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
