I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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