I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
