He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
