i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
