I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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