Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
