I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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