guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
