Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I met the friendliest cop last night
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize