She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
