Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She bit a glass in half.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
