found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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