They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
