I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
