We won't sleep together?
Can i not drive my cunt home
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Randomize
