he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
don't judge my taste in strippers
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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