Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize