How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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