Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
