Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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