If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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