4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
