the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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