i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize