Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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