I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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