Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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