Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my phone needs a breathalizer
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
