I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize