I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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