i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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