I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
