Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
