How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Even my vagina gasped.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
