Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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