you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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