You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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