I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
