Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
