the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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