we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
