Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize