if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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