16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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