I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
did i walk over a car last night?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize