I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
