Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
