I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Boobs are out for the taking
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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