just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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