he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
