I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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