Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
