Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
