ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
