Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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