i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
