Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i came on her dog
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
