So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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