Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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