all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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