I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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