Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
