Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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