so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
