Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
