whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
