u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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