thus making me awesome and them whores
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
soo... how was my night?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
