Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
