I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
