Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
