You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize