He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
This baby is an asshole
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize